Jake Gyllenhaal gives me new shower nozzle masturbatory material, I want to lick his eyebrows..

The New York Post carries a humorous vignette about Jake Gyllenhaal's recent Bloomingdale's shopping excursion, where he applied his manfully obsessive attention to the task of shopping for foundation garments: apparently, a shopper in Bloomingdale's underwear department recently watched the "Brokeback Mountain" star with a salesman "combing through every style . . . A good 10 minutes later, Jake was still at it . . . holding up a pair of tight white briefs that he'd pulled out of the package to examine, as if he'd never seen tighty whities before in his entire life. It was hilarious. He looked very confused and had a furrowed brow . . . He was examining undies like an anthropologist in the city's most highly trafficked department store."

Jake eventually settled on the Calvin Klein Mens' Pro Mesh Trunk. Now, I’ve got the Pro Mesh Trunk and although it looks great, it’s just not the most comfortable garment I’ve ever worn. For starters, it’s not cotton, it’s polyamide, which for usage down there, isn’t the best idea. And it’s also kinda tight, it simply clings to everything. Or maybe that’s the look Jake was going for…?

Now, although we now know what Jake bought, we don’t know who he bought the undies for. Was it for Austin or fugly grocery bag guy? We want to know! Maybe that’s why he spent so much time examing the undies, he was imaging the intended owner wearing them and wondering about the fit. Oh, to be a salesperson at Bloomingdale’s underwear department…



Don't you think it's probable that Jake was staring at them because he was trying to guess his boyfriend's size and taste? The real question is whether he was buying them for Austin or the long island grocery bag guy (he's fugly, Jake, go back to Austin!).