Any Dream Will Do - Double Elimination Night

Any Dream Will Do surprised us by offering two eliminations tonight. At the start of the show, Lord Webber was obviously on the rag and criticised the boys for being "wimpy and paranoid" when he watched rehearsals during the week, which is exactly what a bunch of wimpy paranoid Josephs want to hear at the start of a live TV show.

In his preview piece, Seamus Cullen said that it was all abut rock n' roll. Well actually it isn't Seamus, it's musical theatre. Previously, he sang backing vocals for Rod Stewart and Shakin' Stevens and ol' Shakey even found the time to send a tape goodwill message. Seamus sang The Rolling Stones Start Me Up. Lewis Bradley sang The Beatles I Saw Her Standing There. It was so hammy. Not even hotel cabaret bad, more end of the pier. Lord Webber criticised Lewis for adding a single word "and" to the song. Jeez, that old sourpuss is picky.

Rob McVeigh's preview piece went on and on about his home town of bloody Rotherham. Rob sang Roy Orbison's Pretty Woman. I like Rob, I think he's the only heterosexual one and you can't deny that he's got a blokey charm about him. Antony Hansen sang Take That's Patience and he completely buggered it up. His falsetto was terrible, really weak. He looked like he lost his confidence after that. Poor kid, he's only 17. Hot body though. That's sexy Antony shirtless below.


In his preview, Chris Barton cried and cried about being in the bottom two last week and said he had been ashamed. What a drama queen! Chris sang Billy Joel's Tell Her About It. He tried to dance but he looked mighty uncomfortable. Those sexy girl dancers next to him didn't help either. Chris looks like he's never even touched a woman in his life. Ben Ellis, the Jail Bait with the perfect skin, sang Ronan Keating's Rollercoaster. I'm too busy looking at sexy Ben to really listen to him. He had on a very fetching pink t-shirt and John Barrowman said that he'd worked out what he liked about Ben. He said that Ben "loves to perform". In your wishes, John.

Lee Mead and Daniel Boys are the most experienced and clear favourites. "Dreamcoats at Dawn!" Graham said. Daniel sang The Lady is a Tramp. He acts his songs a bit too much but I still like him. I just wish he weren't quite so polished, I'd like to see some of his rough edges. He's gotten himself a tan and he so clearly wants this. Lee sang Rod Stewart's I Don't Want To Talk About It. The song was acted out, which I hated but the judges all loved.

Keith Jack sang Elton John's Crocodile Rock, which is just about the gayest choice you could make, apart from a Cher song of course. He wore a t-shirt with a print of a tie on the front. What, does he think he's Chachi now? At the end of his song Keith winked into the camera which nearly made me rejurgitate my dinner. Graham Norton should've warned us about that. Craig Chalmers sang Stevie Wonder's Signed Sealed and Delivered. I like Craig and, unlike most of the guys, he interacted well with the Josephine dancers. As a male stripper, he's probably one of the few who's actually had to be near women. Way too much fake tan on him though, with oddly pale pink lips. He can look a bit like an Oompa Loompa at times.

Craig and Antony were in the bottom two and during the sing off in front of Lord Webber, Antony could barely hit a note on pitch. Hilariously, each time Antony hid a bad note, there were lots of close ups of Anthony's rough family hugging each other and crying. Ooh, his mom and grandma - dog rough, both of 'em. Where on earth did the lovely Antony pop out from?

My favourite bit of the show is definitely the end. Oh, it's fabulous. The losing Joseph wannabe has to sing Close Every Door, surrounded by the other Josephs and they rip off his Joseph coat and all cry and hug each other. I love that.