Any Dream Will Do – the last four Josephs in the semi-final

We’re down to the last four Josephs hopefuls: Ben Ellis; Keith Jack; Lee Mead and Lewis Bradley. They started off with a song from the show, which was a welcome change as I’m a bit confused by the endless pop songs we have to suffer through. I want to hear how our boys sound when singing a show tune, not a McFly song!

This was the last chance for Andrew Lloyd Webber to select a Joseph. Next week, it’s all down to he public vote. By the way, how much cleavage was vocal coach Zoe showing tonight? I almost fell into her breasts! She was dressed up like a dog’s dinner. Oh dear oh dear.

Keith Jack sang first. In his taped introduction, he said that he didn’t think he’d ever reach the semi-final. He’s not the only one. I’m kinda surprised too. He snuck in beneath our noses. He performed Donna Summer’s disco version of Barry Manilow’s Could It Be Magic. He started off slowly, then revved things up, Take That stylee. It was just about as camp as you could possibly get, with disco spins, heartfelt, pained grimaces to the camera and two gyrating Josephine’s, wearing the shortest possible sequined mini-dresses. The judges all liked it but Lord Webber asked Keith to “blow him away”. I guess that’ll happen backstage during the interval..

Ben Ellis talked about being in the bottom two sing off three times. Ben said how much he enjoys entertaining people and making them smile. Ben can come over and entertain me any day he likes, I’d be guaranteed to smile! Ben sang Ease On Down The Road from the musical, The Wiz. You know The Wiz, don’t you? It was the black version of The Wizard of Oz back in the seventies. I appeared in it years ago when I was in school, except our version was totally white, which kinda defeated the point. Anyway, I’ve had a soft spot for this show since, and I’ve also got a soft spot for the lovely Ben Ellis too. Ben sang with two Josephines and looked totally at ease with them. He’s the only guy in the show who looks like he actually knows how to interact with a lady. He bounced about all over the stage and ended up nice and sweaty. The judges were critical though, the bitches! Only John Barrowman spoke up for Ben. Hmm, looks like someone else has a soft spot for the gorgeous Ben too.

Keith and Ben also had to sing a duet. They sang some godawful song from Starlight Express, which was originall written for a farther and son. Well, a father and son railway carriages. But this being Any Dream Will Do, which is the gayest TV show in the world ever, it came across as a thinly veiled homoerotic song about repressed desires and longing. Aw, Keith even kissed and hugged Ben at the end. Hands off, Keith Jack. Ben’s mine! Lord Webber liked both of them but Denise Van Outen said that although her eyes are drawn to Ben, her ears are drawn to Keith.

Next up was Lewis Bradley, at seventeen the youngest hopeful left. No wonder he’s so spotty and cries all the time, his balls have barely dropped. Lewis performed Neil Diamond’s Sweet Caroline, but I wasn’t thrilled, but then again, I don’t like that song. His scary Grandma Gina (with that hideous fright perm) was back in the audience again and was her enthusiastic, overbearing self. By the way, I didn’t even know that you could still get a perm these days. I’d better not say anything else about Lewis, I’m too scared that Grandma Gina will come around and slap me about. I mean, she looks the sort, doesn’t she?

Lee Mead sang last. He talked about being an understudy in the theatre for the last few years. There has been a lot of talk about Lee being a professional, compared to supermarket worker Keith for example. Lee also cried during his intro, which is an obvious, eye-rolling ploy for votes. Luckily, Lee sang Bon Jovi’s Livin’ On A Prayer which is one of the best songs ever and hard to ruin, unless you’re Jordin Sparks. He did bugger it up at the end though, ending the song before the musicians did and having to repeat the last section. Now, the main issue I have with Lee is that I don’t think he’s right for the part, although he’s obviously very talented. He’s just as good now as he was at the beginning, but he hasn’t really improved. Lee came ready prepared. He’s an instant leading man, just add water.

Lewis and Lee also had to sing a duet. They sang Oh, What a Circus from Evita. It wasn’t much of a duet though, as they spent all their time trying to outdo and upstage the other. Lewis surprised me, I thought he was really good singing a show tune. However, I don’t like these group songs and duets, I don’t see the point. I’d rather watch the guys sing solo.
So, who’s gonna go? Um, it’s so hard to pick at this stage, but I’d say probably Lewis, though don’t tell Grandma Gina!