American Idol - the top twelve guys

Yes, I have been watching American Idol. I haven't blogged during the auditions because that's not my favourite part of the show. Sure, it's fun at first to laugh at all the no-hopers during the early rounds, but I just find it repetitive. How many awful and deluded bad singers can you listen to before it just isn't funny any more? Anyway, now the live shows have started I'm going to report back more often. We get the shows a couple of days later here in the UK and it's murder trying to avoid spoilers on the internet but at least the shows are now spread out over two days instead of the bleary-eyed five hour marathons into the night that we used to get previously.

Well, first up this week we had the final twelve guys who had to suffer through a Sixties theme. I don't mind these themes when they're related to a celebrity mentor as I think they can be fun and I always enjoy watching the black divas struggle during Country week and the Country singers struggle with Disco and so on, but I wasn't too hot on having a theme so early in the competition. I think it's better to just let them choose whatever song they like so we get an idea of their personality and musical preference. Plus, for a decade that was so exciting, these guys sure chose some forgettable songs.


Anyway, first of all I'll mention my early favourites. Danny Noriega sang Elvis's Jailhouse Rock and although he was awful, I like his campy diva personality and general nancy boy demeanour. I mean, no one ever mentions the G word, but it's kinda obvious isn't it? By the way, don't you think that he looks like a young gay Jane Fonda in Klute? He's a dead ringer for Bree Daniels, shag hair included! Despite murdering his song, he didn't take any shit from Simon when he criticised him and answered him back with sass and attitude. It was just like an episode of Ricki Lake but without all the fighting.

The next one I liked, though I'm sure you'll hate me for this, was Colton Berry. He said that he looks like Ellen DeGeneres (which is probably enough of a reason to keep him in) but I was thinking that he looked more like Madonna circa Papa Don't Preach with gap-toothed underbite included. Colton also sang an Elvis song Suspicious Minds but he predictably murdered it too. What's with these twinky gay guys and Elvis?


I also like the laid back cool dude Jason Castro. Ok, so dreadlocks on a white guy are heinous, but if you can manage to avoid looking at the nasty hair, he's got a good personality, he was clever enough to pick a good song, Lovin' Spoonful's What a Day for a Daydream and he was the only one to play an instrument. Jason's got a quiet confidence which is very appealing and the whole thing came across as effortless, but in a good way.


The fourth and last guy that I liked this week was Michael Johns. Oh, how predictable that I'd go for the hot Australian one! Ok, I admit that hiss sexual charisma got to me, but he's also a very good singer and easily one of the strongest guys in the competition this year. He sang The Doors' Light My Fire.


As for the rest, well they were utterly forgettable weren't they? Simon kept pointing out after each song that the guys just weren't making themselves stand out and he's right. Some of the guys were saying that they've been watching the show for years, but they clearly haven't understood anything about how to set yourself apart from the group. Let me remind them of one important lesson: never sing a soft ballad in the first few weeks. Each year they make the same mistake and they get canned. It's the ones who let rip and get themselves across to the audience that get votes.

Among the guys that I wanted to slap this week were Jason Yeager singing a turgid Moon River, Garrett Haley's pale faced version of Neil Sedaka's Breaking Up Is Hard to Do and Luke Menard's dull redition of Harry Nilsson's Everybody's Talkin'. All three guys are handsome enough to get a strong fan base and these are normally great songs, but they just stood there and sang these incredibly boring versions. All three of them forgettable, though Garrett did get a funny response from Simon when he said that he looked like he'd been locked in his bedroom for a month and needed to get some fresh air. By the way, I thought it was funny that Ryan Seacrest said that Garrett looked like Leif Garrett. That's who I always got told I looked like when I was younger and I spent my school years being nicknamed "Leif", among other choice insults.

Right, who's left? Oh yeah, there was Chikezie Eze who sang off pitch throughout his entire godawful song More Today Than Yesterday. His mom sure seemed to like it but no one else seemed to. It just went on forever and I kept praying that he'd get back on key. At least he had the good sense to wear this crazy bright orange suit so we wouldn't be able to easily forget him. David Cook sang Happy Together but I've got a problem with David - he just looks so uncomfortable and uneasy and I don't know what his hair thinks it's doing but it's not helping.

I can't even remember the others. I don't know what they sang or what their names are. Oh, except cute little Danny "You can only vote for him, you can't actually adopt him" Archuleta. Who cares what he sings? He's cute as a button, he's got a great big winning smile, he can sing on key so we love him already. All in all, not a great show but not a bad one either. Well, at least there was no one as bad as Sundance Head. Remember him last year at this stage? He was the one who sang the worst version of House of the Rising Sun you've ever heard in your life. I still have nightmares thinking about it. I guess he managed to be memorable though, you have to give him that!