Big Brother 2008 - Send in the Clowns

Ok, so I just can't help myself, sometimes I'm just a glutton for punishment. Big Brother 2008 launched last night and we were introduced a typical cross section of attention seeking nut-jobs running around screaming: "I'm mad me, I'm dead mad! Ooh, I'm so mad! Whooo! Everyone says I'm mad, I'm dead mad!" Well, I'm sure you get the general idea.


We've been treated to sixteen new housemates. Most of them already annoy me, but I rather liked a few of them. Dale won my heart immediately as he's the only fit lad in there. I don't know what's wrong with the BB producers, they know damn well that's it's only women and gay guys who watch this stupid show so let's see some decent male totty! Anyway, Dale is one of those cunting straight men who always manage to steal a silly gay boy's heart. During his introduction, Dale declared: "If there's any fanny in there, I'll nail it. Especially if it's fit". Cue my new favourite quote that I've been repeating all day at work to no one's amusement. Ah, I'm smitten...


The next one I like is Dennis, the token non-threatening camp gay guy. My flatmate bitched and moaned that they always put these camp gays in the house but I've got no issue with this. Dennis was introduced gyrating in his underpants to Kylie Minogue's Wow, just in case you were any doubt as to his sexual orientation. So far, Dennis seems pleasant enough even though he looks alarmingly like Perez Hilton though of course, he's not as fat and repulsively ugly as the alleged blogger. On first impressions, Dennis is my pick to win but I always get these damn things wrong.


Darnell is the albino black guy. I was trying to explain this to my flatmate but he just kept saying: "He's not black, he's white. Look at him!" so I just gave up in the end. Poor Darnell seemed to have a hard time introducing himself to his new housemates and the conversation went something like this:

Darnell: "Hi, I'm Darnell"

Dumbass housemate: "Daniel?"

Darnell: "Darnell"

Dumbass housemate: "Darniel?"

Darnell: "Darnell"

Dumbass housemate: "Donald?"

Darnell: "Darnell"

Dumbass housemate: "Danny?"

Darnell: "Darnell"

Christ on a stick, it went on forever! I sympathised with Darnell as I've had similar introductions throughout my life. You wouldn't think that Garrett is a difficult name, but in England they seem to have a lot of problems understanding my two syllable simple name. This is a typical conversation opener for me:

Me: "Hi, I'm Garrett"

Dumbass: "Gary?"

Me: "Garrett"

Dumbass: "Gareth?"

Me: "No. I'm Garrett. It's Irish"

Dumbass: "Darren?"

Me: "Garrett"

Dumbass: "Garage?"

Me: "Oh, fuck off!"

As you can see, I find it hard to meet new people, espcially idiots who don't listen. Shit, I wouldn't last a day in the Big Brother house with that bunch of numpties, they'd be rushing to eliminate me on the first day!