American Idol results show – all two bloody hours of it!

We’re finally here, the results show! But don’t expect to get the result straight away. Oh no, we’re going to have to sit throught two hours of entertainment before we get there. Oh, brother. They really could knock this out in fifteen minutes max, including commercials.
Randy Jackson wore yet another perfectly horrible jacket, Simon Cowell wore the same clothes as last night and Paula Abdul actually looked pretty. In fact, I’d almost say she was beautiful. You’ve gotta give props to whoever bashed her face into shape, she looked great.

After an awful fun opening song with Blake Lewis and Jordin Sparks singing The Beatles’ I Saw Her Standing There, we then had an old clip of Gwen Stefani from Idol Gives Back, plugging her new single. Poor Gwen looked as frozen and botoxed as ever. Hell, she makes Nicole Kidman look animated.

The old Idol winners always get wheeled out in these shows and first up was Kelly Clarkson. At least, I think it was Kelly Clarkson, it could’ve been Kelly Osbourne. Oh dear, Kelly has really put on weight hasn’t she? And what do you do when you’ve put on some weight? That’s right, you pick some hideous outfit that will just emphasise your huge thighs, just like Kelly did. A tight, unforgiving mini-dress with thigh boots was not a good idea. Oops. I love Kelly though, especially when she’s being badass and sassy as she was tonight. She needs to get herself a stylist and personal trainer though, and fast!

The other Idol winners to appear were Carrie Underwood, who always looks like a class act. Reuben Stobbard came on and looked like he was pleased just to be back on TV again. It’s been a while! Last year’s winner, Taylor Hicks also came on and sang a bit, but he was just awful. How the heck did he win last year? If he came on thinking an appearance would help sell some records, I think he miscalculated. Taylor just shuffled about and looked out of place. He even played his harmonica. Did he think he was at a clam bake? The only amusing thing about Taylor was how much he annoyed Simon last year. The joke’s worn off now. Way off.

Ryan Seacrest did some annoying business, giving out Golden Idol awards to some of the more annoying audition losers. The first award was the Best Presentation. The nominees were X-Centric (the pussycat man), Isadora Thurman (the orgasm girl) and Margaret Fowler (who I call the chicken lady as she’s always dressed in bright yellow like a giant chick). The winner was Margaret Fowler and she went on stage to collect her award and jumped on Ryan Seacrest and snogged him. Ryan looked very shaken, after all, he’s not really used to close contact with women. The second Golden Idol award for Most Original Vocal was given to Sholandric Stallworth and the third for Best Buddies was won by Jonathan Jayne and Kenneth Briggs. Briggs is the guy who Simon said looked like a bush baby. Bush baby boy said that he’s forgiven Simon now though. After all, he’s gotten a few minutes of fame out of the encounter and he looked very pleased about it.

The top six guys and girls also performed together. The guys came on first and, dressed all in white, sang a Smokey Robinson medley. Blake Lewis, Chris Richardson, Chris Sligh, Phil Stacey, Sanjaya Malakar and Brandon Rogers sang first, then Smokey came on and joined them, but didn’t he look odd? I dunno whether he’s had cosmetic surgery or a medical problem, but there’s definitely something strange going on. He looked as if he never closes his eyes and could barely blink. The top six girls, Melinda Doolittle, LaKisha Jones, Jordin Sparks, Stephanie Edwards, Gina Glockson and Haley Scarnato sang a medley with Gladys Knight. The best bit was when Melinda and LaKisha joined Gladys Knight to sing Midnight Train to Georgia. Now, that’s how you handle a song, ladies.

Two of the eliminated finalists were given a chance to sing a song too. Sanjaya Malakar sang his infamous rendition of The Kinks’ You Really Got Me, recreated with wind machine, crazy hair and even the dumpy stupid crying girl in the audience. Sanjaya was a breath of fresh air among all the rather earnest goings on. Then Melinda Doolittle came on with the Wayans and sang some bullshit Up With Jesus religious song. I know that Melinda is a church girl, but this was really unnecessary and inappropriate. For the first time in weeks, Melinda looked like a backing singer again.

The two finalists sang duets. Blake Lewis sang with Dougie Fresh and they beatboxed their way through some crazy song and jumped about waving their arms. That Blake is such a wigger sometimes. Jordin drew the short straw and had to sing a dreadful duet with Reuben. It was old fashioned and tiresome. And someone should’ve told Reuben that big men shouldn’t wear stripes. It was a bit awkward at the end when Jordin and Reuben attempted to hug. They’ve both got some large belly action going on and they barely managed to meet in the middle.

As if all that wasn’t enough, we had Green Day sing John Lennon’s Working Class Hero, Tony Bennett wheeled back on to sing some old number which I instantly forgot, then Bette Midler sang a totally out of tune Wind Beneath My Wings. Maybe she had a cold or something, but the divine Bette should’ve cancelled or lip-synched as this was truly awful. The previous Idol winners sang a Beatles’ medley (with Taylor Hicks’ atrocious murdering of A Day In The Life being a deliciously awful highlight) and then they were joined by this year’s twelve finalists to sing With A Little Help From My Friends although it was more with a little help from the teleprompter as they obviously didn’t know the words and you could see a huge teleprompter with the lyrics. I mean, how could anyone not know he words to this Beatles’ song?

So anyway, after all that we finally got to the result. Blake and Jordin came on and were joined by Ryan and some guy with a sealed envelope with the winner’s name as I guess Ryan couldn’t be trusted this week to keep his mouth shut. With 74 million votes (and let’s see how many of you in the US bother voting in the upcoming election) Ryan announced that Jordin was this year’s American Idol. Jordin cried, Paula cried, Jordin’s family cried. It all got a bit too group-hug for me. Aw, spare a moment for poor Blake, though he didn’t look too bothered, he was possibly pleased that he didn’t have to sing that hideous winning song again!

Well, that’s it. Another season of American Idol is done and dusted. But look on the bright side, we get to do it all again, starting in January. Can’t wait! Let’s make it a date.

American Idol - two elimated, now we're down to the last four!

Ryan stared into the camera and emoted lifelessly, “We are dealing it out double tonight, double the nerves, double the tension, because in less than 1 hour we will be down to your final 4 on Idol.”

“Once again we’ll be stretching the show into a full hour, and I promise, no filler,” says Ryan as he rolled his eyes. Well, that’s a load of bull as this one hour show is nothing but filler. They could knock it out in twenty minutes, with commercials!

Anyway, they’ve resurrected that awful idea about the songwriting contest. You can vote for the Top 20 songs at Americanidol.com so at last there’s something I can join in with. I’m still pissed that I can’t vote in the main competition. I just hope that the song are of a better standard than usual. Seriously, have you liked any of the final songs?

So, on to the first elimination. Ryan had Melinda, Phil and LaKisha stand up together. He told Melinda and LaKisha that they are safe which meant that, at long last, Phil Stacey was elimated!

As for the second elimation, Ryan asked Jordin, Blake and Chris to stand up. Since Ryan messed with Jordin’s head last week, he said he was letting her sit straight back down as she was safe. That left Blake and Chris. Although Ryan made us sit through yet more commercials and a Jon Bon Jovi performance, it was pretty obvious that Chris would be leaving. Aw, what a shame to split up these two pals. Like Ace Young and Chris Daughtry before them, they’ve inspired lots of naughty slash fiction and cuddlesome photoshopped images. At least they’ll get to go on tour together and those traveling around on those tours buses can get awful lonely for a couple of young men.

Finally, Ryan announced that Chris was leaving this week. Not really a surprise after forgetting his words this week.


So, looking forward to next week, Ryan said that next week’s theme is Boogie Sounds with Barry Gibb. Anyone know what the heck Boogie Sounds means? If it’s Barry Gibb, I would’ve thought that meant Disco. I dunno, maybe Ryan’s too much of a heterosexual to talk about Disco.

Jon Bon Jovi rocks with the American Idol kids

Jon Bon Jovi was the mentor this week on American Idol and, my oh my, didn’t he look fine! Unlike Simon Cowell, who'd obviously spent far too much time in the sun and was a typical shade of English roast beef.

Phil Nosferatu Stacey was first up with Blaze of Glory. In the taped introduction, Mr Bon Jovi said that it was “a big voice, for a big song” and even that brief intro had me groaning. Anyway, Phil came on and did his usual yelling with that big ol’ voice of his. Although Phil has had some positive feedback from the judges over the last two weeks, they were mixed this time. Randy and Paula were predictably positive, but Simon said ”I didn’t hear any authenticity…in the middle you were like a bad actor playing a role.” You can always rely on Simon to stick the knife in and since the voters usually listen to him, let’s hope it’s the end for Mr Big Yelling Voice Stacey. I haven’t liked him from the beginning but you’d probably already guessed that. By the way, nice that Randy reminded us that he played bass guitar on the original record. He must be paranoid that no one remembers him!

Jordin Sparks decided to tackle my favourite Bon Jovi song, Livin’ on a Prayer. Now, Jordin’s not my favourite singer, but I have admired her song choices, she’s taken risks several times during the season and, so far, it’s worked. During the taped intro, Jordin sounded as if she was having trouble so Mr Bon Jovi suggested she make some changes and when that didn’t really work, he just said that “Jordin’s only 17 years old! I couldn’t sing half that well when I was her age.” Sure, but she doesn’t excuse her for not nailing a song. Anyway, she ended up yelling as usual and, for once, the judges actually picked up on this. I’ve thought throughout the live shows that she’s just yelled and screamed out her songs, but the judges have always been complimentary. Jordin didn’t get away with it tonight though, Simon described it as out of control and verging on shrieking at times. Nice one, it’s about time. She looked awful too. Simon said she looked like something out of The Addams Family. I thought she was more Sideshow Bob.

LaKisha LaKisha, how I love LaKisha Jones. She’s had a rough time of it over the last few weeks but she’s remained one of my favourites. Before her song, she said that she knew of Mr Bon Jovi because she saw him once on the Oprah Winfrey Show. LaKisha sang This Ain’t a Love Song and she was such a badass and I loved it. She had sass, she had attitude, she was a Strong Black Woman. LaKisha acted like she was on her period, was cranky as hell and didn't care who knew about it! The judges loved it too and Simon said he could kiss her after that performance. Cue Ryan Seacrest taking LaKisha by the hand and bringing her to Simon who kissed her on the lips. How creepy was that? LaKisha must really want to win.

The very lovely Blake Lewis was up next and he chose You Give Love a Bad Name. During the taped intro Mr Bon Jovi notes that Blakelicous “has to sell his interpretation of a song that a lot of people know, and don’t want messed with.” Did anyone else also get the impression that Jovi didn’t particularly care for his song being messed about with by an American Idol kid? Serves him right for pimping himself out. The good news is that the old beatboxing Blakelicious is back! After far too many weeks of toning himself down, Blake decided to bring back the beatboxing and it worked brilliantly, though I wasn't sure about the beginning bit. Simon said that “There will be half the audience who absolutely hated it, and half the audience who love it.” I absolutely loved it. I didn’t care for the new dark hair though. I must prefer my Blakelicious with blond locks.

Chris Richardson sang Wanted Dead or Alive. He didn't sing too badly but he kept leaning forward and giving these weird looks to the camera and the audience. I guess he meant to look menacing but Chris just looked demented. It didn’t go down well and Simon said “I think you did as much as you possibly could with this style of song. If it’s good enough to stay another week, I’m not sure.” I’m not sure either, he was weak last week so I reckon so far it’ll be Chris and Phil. Shame, as it wasn’t a really bad performance, just odd-looking.

Melinda Doolittle was last up and, since the producers usually pick one of the strongest performances to end with, you just knew it was going to be great again. Melinda chose Have a Nice Day and, although she said she was bad at rock, that was just Melinda’s usual shy bullcrap act. She came on and rocked. She looked great too and she's kept the good wig she's been wering lately. I love Melinda in jeans too. Paula managed to string a coherent sentence together and asked “How does it feel to be a rock star?” Simon thought she was like a young Tina Turner and in a different league to everyone “vocally”.

So, who’s going to go. Jordin’s at risk with her awful performance, but since it’s based on two weeks, I reckon Chris is definitely going to go. But I really hope Phil goes, I’ve absolutely had enough of his googly-eyed shiny shaved head. Let’s hope he's going down, but not in a blaze of glory!

The Idol Gives Back results show or rather, the non-results show

This wasn't a typical American Idol results show. It was more of a variety show with lots of guest appearences. Ellen Degeneres kicked things off by introducing Earth Wind and Fire who I haven't seen on TV for years. By the way, is it just me or does Ellen look a little different these days? Could be a brow lift or botox, but she sure doesn't look the same around the eyes. Her eyebrows definitely rise up in the middle. Maybe just a little.

My favourite bits: Kelly Clarkson's horrible, horrible Mama Cass dress; that awful Celine Dion and Elvis Presley duet which was creepy but kinda entertaining at the same time; Blake dressed in white; Teri Hatcher tearing around during Stayin' Alive like an old drunk; the Simpsons cartoon bit, didn't Lisa just nail a drunk, incoherent Paula Abdul?


The bits I didn't like: Jack Black, you know he thinks he's funny, but I have no idea why he has that idea; Ben Stiller, who used to be cute and funny but now just acts and looks like someone's desperately uncool uncle; Ryan Seacrest continuously telling us we were going to be shocked by the results this week.

Well, the alleged shocker this week was that no one was eliminated. I dunno, didn't you think that Idol kids didn't look too surprised when Ryan told them they were all safe this week? Usually they're all shaking and quivering when it comes to seeing who gets cut so their reactions all seemed pretty subdued. The good news is that two of them will get canned next week. Phil's got to be one of 'em, surely. And unless LaKisha throws it down next week, she'll be vulnerable too. Anyway, enough of my crystal ball gazing, let's look forward to next week when it's Jon Bon Jovi mentoring the Idol Kids for Rock Week!

I already cannot wait.

"Tommy used to work on the docks
Unions been on strike
He's down on his luck...its tough, so tough.."

Drea-my

The Idol Gives Back - Songs That Inspire, and get votes!

The theme for this week's American Idol was Songs That Inspire! Exactly the songs I usually hate, you know the Up With People, Love Thy Neighbour bullcrap. Oh, you know the kind of thing. Anyway, we had a whole hour of the stuff.

Chris Richardson was first up and sang Change the World by Eric Clapton. He started off very pitchy and have you noticed his annoying habit of turning his head and looking away between each line he sings? I just want to screw on a neck brace so he keeps his head still for at least the minute and a half he has to sing. But I'm just being mean again, his vocal got back on pitch and it was a good song choice which really suited him.


Melinda Doolittle sang There Will Come A Day by Faith Hill. Of course, she simply nailed it. What I love about Melinda is how effortless she makes it all seem. Even when she's really hitting those strong notes, she never sounds shrill or resorts to shouting her song. Pure class. And thank the Sweet Lord Jesus that she's kept that new wig from last week, our Strong Black Woman's finally lookin' good! Paula agreed and slurred: "you're magical, you look beautiful."


Blake Lewis next. Blake!! He chose John Lennon's Imagine which was a tough one to sing as it's such a well known song and there's really not much you can do with it except sing it straight. Blakelicious can do no wrong in my eyes so I predictably loved this. Blake looked into the camera throughout with his come hither eyes and no doubt I'll be committing an act of self abuse later.

LaKisha Jones sang Fantasia's I Believe which went down like a lead balloon with the judges though the audience seemed to like it. LaKisha looked great and I thought she sang well, even though she seemed to think that the word realise is actually two words as she kept singing rea.... lise throughout. LaKisha needs to find her inner Strong Black Woman again, she's been missing her sparkle these past few weeks.

Phil Stacey was up next and when asked about what he missed about home, he didn't hesitate to mention his babies back in Oklahoma and said how he wanted to do well and make a better life for them. Phil sang Garth Brook's Change and, of course, then mentioned that the song was dedicated to Oklahoma after the Oklahoma bombing. This guy will try every trick in the book to tug at heartstrings and grab votes. I remain unmoved by him.


Jordin Sparks was last up to sing. She chose You'll Never Walk Alone which can never be taken seriously by anyone in the UK as it's been the theme song for Liverpool FC for many years. The judges loved it and so did the audience. I thought she yelled it, just as she yells her songs every week. I know, I know. She'll probably win the whole shebang and everyone loves her, but I just don't get her. Her perky cheerleader personality just grates on me. I'd like her more if she stopped smiling for once and was a mean and moody badass!

So, who's up for the chop. Well, I'd love for Phil to leave. C'mon folks, it's about time!

The American Idol kids appear on Oprah Winfrey

The American Idol kids appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show this week. First up, Oprah asked Simon Cowell his thoughts on the final six. Simon said that despite recent below par performance, LaKisha Jones is "very, very capable of doing what she did a few weeks ago," when she wowed us all with her barnstorming performance of And I Am Telling You I Am Not Going. I sure hope so! LaKisha has been subdued these past few weeks and I'd love to see her let rip again.

Cowell said that he likes Chris Richardson because "he's contemporary.. but I'm a little bit worried about the singing through the nose". He calls Blake Lewis "a pop star," but said that his favorites this season are former backup singer Melinda Doolittle and Jordin Sparks. "I've got a soft spot for Melinda. … She's a fantastic singer. Now she's got to go out there as a star."

Oprah had a chat with the kids and, although she didn't come out and say who her favourites were, it was pretty obvious watching her that she really liked our favourite two Strong Black Women, Melinda and LaKisha. Oprah said that when she was watching LaKisha and Sanjaya in the bottom two, she could feel LaKisha's prayer through the TV screen!

American Idol - it's Country week!

It's Country week with mentor Martina McBride. Country week is always one of my favourites as it tends to bring out the best and the worst in the American Idol kids.

First up was Phil Stacey, dressed in nosferatu black, which really isn't his colour. He sang Where the Blacktop Ends by Keith Urban and sounded ok for once and, what do you know, all of a sudden, after weeks of eye boggling and yelling, he comes out as an ol' country boy!

Jordin Sparks sang McBride's own song, Broken Wing. I have to confess that I don't like Jordin at all, her bubbly personality is getting on my nerves. She may turn me around, but I'm not a fan, although I have liked her song choices over the weeks.


Sanjaya Malakar was let out next and Sanjaya chose the Bonnie Raitt song, Something to Talk About, because he said he thought it would be fun to do since he seems to always give people something to talk about. I bet Bonnie was thrilled. Sanjaya wore a red bandana over his perm and shimmy'd through the audience. Although I'm feeling the Sanjaya Love, I have to admit that now we're down to the last seven, Sanjaya does look exposed as easily the weakest singer on that stage. Oops.

LaKisha Jones sang a Carrie Underwood song, Jesus Take the Wheel. Now, I'm a LaKisha fan, but any song with Jesus in the title is gonna make me reappraise 'em. Poor LaKisha was all over the place with the song and almost seemed drowned out by the band and started doing a Jordin and yelling the song. She would've been wiser to have a quieter, simpler arrangement.

Chris Richardson sang Rascal Flatts' Mayberry. Chris was pitchy throughout, which was a real shame as I liked the song. The judges criticised him for being nasally and Chris had the comeback that nasal singing is a technique!


Melinda Doolittle chose Julie Reeves' Trouble is a Woman and gave easily the best performance this week. Our Strong Black Women were always going to struggle out of their comfort zone with country music, but Melinda was terrific. And didn't she look great too? That new longer, sleek wig really worked for her and the outfit was much better too. She looked different, more confident.

Last up was Blake Lewis. Blakelicious chose Tim McGraw's When the Stars Go Blue and did a good job. You know that Blake can do no wrong in my eyes and he's my top guy in the competition. Oh, and I loved his nice bit of knitwear.


Well, who's gonna go? I have to say, I'd love for Phil Stacey to get the boot, but I think it's probably going to be Sanjaya. This week really exposed him.

American Idol final 8 results show

First of all, at the start of this padded results show, Ryan attempted to ask the judges about last night's performances but Paula was incapable of even answering her question so he quickly moved on. Seriously, what's she drinking, liquid Novocain? The kids came on to sing Bailamos, one of their corny group performances which I always love because of their campy awfulness and shameless upstaging. Best friends, right kids.

Ok, on to the good stuff. Predictably, two of the bottom three were Phil Stacey, Haley Scarnato but Chris Richardson was a surprise. He was smiling throughout so I guess he must've known that Ryan was just messing with him. By the way, wasn't it mean of Ryan Seacrest to torment Sanjaya by repeatedly making him stand up, then not letting him know whether he could sit down or not?


Chris was sent back to sit down so it was down to Haley and Phil. Finally, after many torturous weeks, one of them is going! And you just know that whoever's left is going to be cut next week too. Anyway, good sense prevailed and Haley was cut and she almost looked as relieved as me that she was going. You have to give her props though for giving a good final performance. None of that breaking down that some of the losing kids have been guilty of this year.


Down to our final seven and next week, Martina McBride will mentor the American Idol kids for Country Week. I bet Melinda and LaKisha can't wait!

American Idol Latin week with Jennifer Lopez

"Two words for you: Jennifer. Lopez." How dumb is that Ryan Seacrest? It's Latin week with our favourite Latina, Jennifer Lopez! J-Lo didn't disappoint and wore a horrible sparkly turtle neck and about a million silver bangles while snapping out advice to the American Idol kids.


Melinda Doolittle chose Swing which was kind of a dull choice. Lopez told Melinda to "be sexy!" Melinda said, "I'm so not sexy". Oh boy, you said it, Melinda. She wore this asymmetrical dress and what looked like one of Oprah's old wigs. At least the stylist managed to dress her without a belt for once! Simon didn't like it and said it was a bit hotel lounge. He's right, sometimes Melinda just comes across as old and she really should try some more age appropriate material. LaKisha Jones was next which was an odd decision by the producers as normally they separate their Strong Black Women. She chose a Gloria Estefan number, Conga, looked great and sang well but LaKisha tried to move about too much and all I could focus on was her bingo wings.


Chris Richardson sang Smooth which was an excellent choice for him. It was a good all over performance rather than just a good vocal. You can see this guy actually having a career after all this is over. Unlike the next contestant, Haley Scarnato, who chose Turn the Beat Around which was a pretty tenuous choice and wore short, short hotpants so who really cares what she sang anyway?. It was awful and couldn't even be enjoyed as campy fun. Just desperate. Simon congratulated her for the clever tactic of wearing as little as possible to attract votes. Just to add to my torture, Phil Stacey followed Haley and sang Maria, Maria. In the rehearsal, he somehow managed to give J-Lo chills. I guess she must be easily pleased. Phil sure didn't give me chills. Next!

Jordin Sparks chose another Gloria Estefan song, Rhythmn is Gonna Get You. I thought she oversang it again, trying to push out notes that weren't really there in the song. The thing with Gloria Estefan songs is that they're kinda easy on the voice, you know she writes 'em that way for a reason. Randy and Paula liked it, but Simon brought her down to earth by saying he wasn't impressed. He's been in a bad mood all evening, he must be on the rag. Blake Lewis was next. Blakelicious chose I Need To Know and sang it really well. All the judges loved it. Oh, I love my Blake.


Sanjaya Malakar chose Besame Mucho and J-Lo was impressed. Sanjaya had a cute bit of bum-fluff on his upper lip and chin and lesbian hair. I loved that he had the balls to sing a song mainly in Spanish. There were lots of tight close ups and Sanjaya made the most of 'em, making effortless Sweet Sanjaya Love to the camera, provoking multiple pubescent orgasms across the country. Even Simon was moved to say that it wasn't horrible, which from him, you can probably take as a compliment.


So, who's gonna go? As usual, I'm gonna say Haley. It's about time people!

American Idol – the final 9 suffer through Big Band week with Tony Bennett

“This….. is…. Amerrrrrrican Idol!”

This week’s mentor for the Big Band theme was Tony Bennett. Bennett came over to the UK last year to contribute to the X Factor and I have to say that it wasn’t my favourite show. I’ve never particularly liked that genre of music and some of the songs choices had a dubious connection to the theme of the Big Band era. So let’s hope the American Idol kids make some savvy choices.

Blake Lewis was up first with a song I actually do love, Mack the Knife. Blakelicious looked cool and sang well, with no beat boxing or anything. Let’s face it, it’d be hard to rap during Mack the Knife! You know that I love my Blake so whatever he does is jus’ fine with me. Bald, googly-eyed Phil Stacey came on and oversang Night and Day. He really does try to hard and I think that particular song benefits from being sung softly. Paula thought he was reminiscent of a young Frank Sinatra, which astonished Simon who said the performance was gloomy and dark. And wasn’t Phil really sweaty after the judges bit, talking to Ryan? His whole head was just dripping. Eurgh, I can’t stand him.

Melinda Doolittle made a good choice with I Got Rhythm and, of course, she was just great again. You know she’s never going to hit a pitchy note or forget her words. Good hair this week, nice and sleek and not plastered down on her head, however, there was yet another weird belt thing going on. What was that, a sleeveless bolero jacket with a front clasp? Whatever, Doolittle needs to fire her stylist friend’s ass and pronto! Sweet Lord Jesus, we know Melinda was blessed with an amazing voice but unfortunately she also has a huge head and lack of waist, but a good stylist would deal with all that and make the most of her good features. I know, it’s not a fashion show but still, we have to look at them as well as listen, and Melinda’s doing herself no favours with the horrible outfits she wears each week. Don’t you guys have Trinny and Susannah over there in the US? They’d sort her out and cop a good feel of her boobies while they’re at it, too!

Chris Richardson selected a Duke Ellington song but I didn’t really care for it. I prefer him doing contemporary songs or camp disco. All the judges loved it though thought it was his best performance yet. Shows what little I know! Moving on, Jordin Sparks chose one of my favourite songs ever, On A Clear Day. She’s not my favourite singer but she makes excellent song choices and I really liked this performance. In fact, I loved it. Oh why can’t they do a Barbra Streisand week? That’d be American Idol heaven. Paula called Jordin a magnet of joy and Simon killed himself laughing at her typically loopy comment. I hear they’re good friends really.

Gina Glockson sang Smile and, in the introduction, Tony Bennett mentioned 9/11 and Iraq so who’d dare to criticise her performance after that? It was a very good performance though so she didn’t need any patriotic help. Simon had a good dig though. You can always count on Simon, he had his sentimentality removed at birth.

It’s time… for Sanjaya Malakar! Bennett is cleary a Fanjaya and he said that Sanjaya is terrific and sings very well. He also said that Sanjaya dares to be different. Well, Sanjaya is certainly different! He sang Heaven and I guess about 8 million pubescent girls got stuck to their seats during this particular bit of the show. I’d give the shower nozzle a good rinse in the morning, Moms. He also managed a quick dance with Paula. The judges have given up even bothering to criticise him any more, they realise that it’s pointless.

Haley Scarnato wore a trampy green halter neck dress with no bra. Who cares what she sang? The girls loves to jiggle and advertise the merchandise. By the way, she sang Ain’t Misbehavin’ and totally disregarded Bennett’s advice to sing to just one person. I love it when the contestants ignore what the mentors advise, these unknowns clearly think that they know better. Ahem.

LaKisha Jones closed the show and you could tell it was going to be great as the producers usually choose the best act to go last. Stormy Weather was the perfect choice for LaKisha and it brought out her inner Strong Black Woman, which is what we love about her. LaKisha also ignored Bennett’s advice on how to end the song, but she just about got away with it.

Who’s going to leave? I reckon Haley Scarnato is a dead cert, she’s just way out of her league here.

Blake Lewis and Chris Richardson amusing fans with Slash photos

If last year's slash fiction involving American Idol's Chris Daughtry and Ace Young whetted your appetite, it looks as though things have progressed onto Slash Photoshopping. Some enterprising photoshopper created these images of everyone's favourite close personal friends, Blake Lewis and Chris Richardson. Don't these two lonesome cowboys look cute in the photograph below? They make such a hot couple!

American Idol's Blake Lewis and Chris Richardson butch it up in cowboy drag

My favourite American Idol guys, Blake Lewis and Chris Richardson have been butching up in cowboy drag. Reckon they're rehearsing for their own private version of Brokeback Mountain?

American Idol 6 the Sixties British Invasion show!

It's time..

Haley Scarnato came on first and sang Tell Him. Since Simon's surprise about-face last week, she's realised that she's the only 'looker' left amongst the girls, so Haley definitely dressed to stay in the competition. She kept showing her back which made it obvious that she wasn't wearing a bra. Dirty girl! If there's ever a musical themed evening, she should sing Tits and Ass from A Chorus Line. Afterwards, Ryan was concerned about how she managed to move around with those heels. Of course he would be.


Chris Richardson was next and he sang a soft ballad, Don't Let the Sun get you Crying. It went down very well, Paula found him "sexy and charming" and even Simon liked it. Stephanie Edwards sang the great old Dusty Springfield song, You Don't Have to Say You Love Me. I like Stephanie a lot but her singing sounded kinda forced tonight. Randy thought it was pitchy, of course. Simon said she needed to choose a song that would reflect her youth and be more age appropriate.

Blake Lewis was up next. Blakelicious sang Time of the Seasons, wearing a nice jacket, plaid pants and a very fetching pink shirt. That boy knows how to dress! He sang well too. All the judges liked him, Randy said he had the Yo! Factor. Gawd, I love Blake, I'm completely smitten. LaKisha Jones sang a Shirley Bassey number! She was decked out in diamonds and looked great, Bassey would've been proud. You know, there aren't many singers who can take on a Bassey song and do it justice but LaKisha was simply fabulous as usual, even though Simon thought it was a bit old. Like he can talk.


Phil Stacey came on and yelled his entire song. I can't stand him. Jordin Sparks seems like she's a nice girl but I thought she yelled her song again. The judges seemed to like it though, so maybe she just comes across that way on the TV. By the way, wasn't that a horrible black dress she was wearing? She's not a slim girl and the horizontal stripes just emphasised this.

Sanjaya Malakar finally came on to save the show and boy, it was worth it. He was super crazy again with side-parted hair. He sang a song by The Kinks, You Really Got Me Girl and he rocked out! There was a dumpy young girl with blue braces and matching nail varnish in the audience who was crying when he came on and she kept crying throughout the song. I guessed that meant she enjoyed it. I enjoyed seeing Sanjaya let rip and, for once, he got positive responses from the judges.


Gina Glockson was next. She sang Paint it Black which suited her rock persona but she ended up yelling the song in places and she was way pitchy, as Randy would say. I wish these singers would stop bloody yelling their songs. I prefer the way Chris Richardson sang, nice and soft. These shouty singers just make me want to turn down the sound. We know they can sing, I just wish they'd stay on pitch while doing their vocal acrobatics. Grrrrr

Chris Sligh sang She's Not There. He started off in the audience but failed to make any eye contact with them, preferring to look into the camera at the voting public. Smart guy. He sang well at first but ended up yelling like most of the others. Shame, though the judges seemed to like it.

Last this week was Melinda Doolittle. You know that the last singer is always going to be safe as the producers always save one of the best performers for the last slot. Oh Sweet Lord Jesus, Melinda sang As Long As He Needs Me from the Lionel Bart musical, Oliver! Melinda wore a new straight wig this week and it was about time she freshened up her look. Horrible outfit though and her titties were definitely goin' south. Oh, and the little girl in the audience cried again. What, did they pay her or something? They should get her back in every week. At the end, Ryan brought her up on stage and she cried again when she hugged Blake. I'd cry if I got the chance to hug Blakelicious.

So.. who's gonna go? Well, on the recap Gina's song sounded like a mess so I'm thinking her time's up. Then again, what the heck do I know? Stay tuned.

American Idol Season 6 The last 24

My favourite guy this week was Blake Lewis, pictured above. I liked the total change in his appearance and style. I also enjoyed his singing of a recent British song. One of the things about American Idol is it really shows how different our musical tastes are. I hadn't heard half of the songs before so I love it when they choose a British song instead of yet another Aretha or Stevie Wonder song.

I also liked Chris Sligh, Chris Richardson and Nicholas Pedro. Sanjaya Malakar has puzzled me. I kinda like his performance, at least he was in key for most of it, unlike some of the other singers. But the judges just slated him, I thought Sanjaya was going to cry! So when it came down to the last two guys and Ryan said that one of them was going, whilst the other was in the top 4, I thought Sanjaya was on his way out. I dunno whether he's genuinely that popular because of his previous exposure on the audition shows or whether he's benefiting from votefortheworst.com encouraging people to vote for the most ridiculous contestants.

I've been on their site today and their current favourite is Sundance Head (along with trampy Antonella Barba, more on her later..). He stank this week and he knew it himself. He said that he didn't want to be voted off as that meant he had to sing his song again and it stank enough the first time. We know what you mean, Sundance! He's my pick to get voted off next week though if votefortheworst.com have their way, we'll have to suffer him for a few weeks yet. Otherwise, I'd like to see the back of AJ Tabaldo and Phil Stacey. They're nearly as dull as all those bland white girls who insist on singing ballads way beyond their range..