PETA announce their Worst Dressed Celebrities of 2008

You do know that PETA are the meanest bunch of motherfuckers on the planet don't you? Oh yeah, you don't want to get on the wrong side of that lot. You may innocently think that vegetarians are happy and kind people because they love animals and think that fur is cruel and all that, but those PETA types are just plain mean. Like, seriously Joan Crawford mean. They're even meaner than those crazy Scientologists and they'll get you every time. Now, I don't know whether they got hold of Mr Blackwell or just got some gay guy in the office to dish, but their list of Worst Dressed Celebrities is as a hoot.

Fur-loving Aretha Franklin may have pulled a hissy fit when Beyoncé described Tina Turner as "the Queen" but she gets her title back from PETA who describe her as the Queen of bad dressing:

Aretha Franklin - How 'bout some R-E-S-P-E-C-T for animals? Aretha, when you waddled into the Grammys in yet another vulgar fur, you looked as if you were going to perform "I Am the Walrus" by The Beatles. You may be a queen, but you don't know jack about compassion.

Kylie Minogue - What does Kylie Minogue have in common with her python purse? They are both cold-blooded. Come on, Kylie—it's not cool to clutch onto an accessory made by nailing snakes to trees and skinning them alive.

Kate Moss - Nothing completes the transition from supermodel to super-tramp like a fur coat. If Kate could see clearly through those bleary eyes, maybe she'd clear her closet of those furs.

Eva Longoria - Eva Longoria is short on compassion. In her trashy furs, she looks like the street walker of Wisteria Lane. Eva is one "desperate housewife" who needs a quickie divorce—from her stylist.

Marilyn Manson - Always draped in leather from head to toe, Manson has enough skeletons in his closet to fill a pet cemetery. As if wearing dead animals isn't foul enough, Manson says that he wears his cow-skin pants 24/7, only peeling the smelly things off to have sex. That alone should be enough to tarnish leather's dated sex appeal. Manson may just be the shock-rocker's stage name, but his wardrobe is a real-life tale of blood and guts.

Lindsay Lohan - I Know Who Killed Me isn't just the title of Lindsay Lohan's last bomb—it's also the cry of the animals snuffed out so that this "mean girl" can pose in their pelts. Lindsay, there's no road to recovery for the foxes who are anally electrocuted so that you can look skanky.

Heh, they call Lindsay Lohan "skanky". Cheap shot, I know, but still funny. Let's face it, the only fur she ought to be wearing is over her crotch!

Lindsay Lohan poses nude as Marilyn Monroe

The New York Times, and they really should know better, has run this series of photos of a naked Lindsay Lohan posing like Marilyn Monroe did back in 1962 for Bert Stern. The photoshoot became known as The Last Sitting and Stern published a book many years later. I've still got it somewhere around, I bought it when I was a kid. Anyway, somehow Bert Stern has been persuaded to recreate that famous photoshoot with Lindsay Lohan of all people. What, was Paris Hilton not available?

The thing that struck me is how awful Lohan looks. Sure, we all know that she's totally messed up, but the original set of photos of Marilyn were taken when she was thirty six and poor Marilyn had been fucked up on drugs for about twenty years yet still managed to look better than Lindsay Lohan does here. Lohan's twenty one and already looks completely worn out. Either the drugs today aren't as good as they used to be or Lindsay been partying way harder than Marilyn ever did.

Mr Blackwell's 38th annual Worst Dressed list

Mr Blackwell's snarky 38th annual Worst Dressed list:

1 - Victoria Beckham: "Forget the fashion spice - wearing a skirt would suffice! In one skinny-mini monstrosity after another, pouty posh can really wreck-em."

2 - Amy Winehouse: "Exploding beehives above…tacky polka-dots below... she's part 50's car-hop horror."

3 -Mary Kate Olsen: "YIKES! In layers of cut-rate kitsch, Mary Kate's look is hard to explain... she resembles a tattered toothpick-trapped in a hurricane!"

4 - Fergie: "Another style-free 'Fergie' in fashion's hall of shame? Yes, when it comes to couture chaos, guess it's all in a name!"

5 - Kelly Clarkson: "Her heavenly voice soars above the rest... but those belly-baring bombs are hellish at best! She may be the queen of 'Pro-Active' – but that wardrobe looks downright radioactive!"

6 - Eva Green: "Stuck in neon nightmares not fit for the sane. Fashion this loud could give Bond a migraine! A profusion of confusion from toes to nose!"

7 - Avril Lavigne: "Gothic make-up courtesy the mad spatula-Fashions provided by.. The house of Dracula!"

8 - Jessica Simpson: "Forget the Cowboys. In prom queen screams, can it get any worse? She's a global fashion curse!"

9 - Lindsay Lohan: "Lindsay the fashion frenzy strikes again! Lohan takes fashion to a new low."

10 - Alison Arngrim: "Little Nellie of the prairie, looks like a 1940's fashion editor for the Farmers Almanac."

Heh, he's such a bitch! However, we did notice one name missing. Mr Blackwell must've been reading our thoughts as he added a note at the end of his list: "For those of you who were expecting to see Britney's name adorn the 2007 list, I felt that it was inappropriate at this time to make comment, when her personal life is in such upheaval. I hope 2008 is a better year for her."

Aw, looks like the bitter old queen has a heart after all. Maybe, just a little.

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