"On the third day He rose again from the dead according to the Scriptures"

"Jesus Christ died for your sins.
He was raised by God on the third day.
He was seen by more than 500 people after the resurrection.

Jesus then ascended to heaven.

All who believe in Jesus Christ will go to heaven."

And I thought the Scientologists were super-crazy with their stories about Xenu and alien lizards, but they've got nothing on the Christians, they've been honing their act for centuries!