More tales from the steam room

I had a lovely long swim today. The swimming pool at the gym was relatively quiet so I had it to myself for most of time which is my absolute favourite thing. There's nothing quite like descending into a pool of absolutely still water, it's sheer bliss. Anyway, there were lots of guy candy around for me to amuse myself with while I was doing my hour in the pool. One of them was Hot Dark Haired Guy from last week. I didn't recognise him at first as he was wearing baggy shorts, but he kept looking over as he was sitting in the hot tub at the far end of the pool.

He left after a few minutes, then came back again before leaving again. I don't like to disturb my swim as I like to put in a full hour once I start swimming and nothing stops me, not even the lure of a hot guy! Anyway, after I'd finished, I went for a shower then popped into the steam room. It was quite busy and so steamy that I could barely see who was in there, though I soon spotted Hot Dark Haired Guy sitting in the corner once my eyes adjusted to the dark.

After a few minutes of sweating things, the steam room started to empty until it was just me and Hot Dark Haired Guy left. Like last time, he was standing up and positioning himself right in front of me and I noticed that he had untied the waistband on his swim shorts. He kept moving around, sighing and raising his arms to expose his armpits until he also left. Shortly after, this other guy came in.

I'll refer to this other guy as The Frog Guy. Seriously, I'm not being mean (well maybe, just a little bit) but this guy does actually look like a frog. Imagine getting a frog and making it stand up and wave its arms around and that's what this guy looks like - he's got this big ol' round torso with little skinny legs and unfortunately short arms. As if that wasn't enough, he's recently bleached his hair blond and shaved off his eyebrows. Peachy!

Anyway, Frog Guy was sitting in the corner next to me when Hot Dark Haired Guy came back in, but this time without his shorts on but with just a towel around his waist instead. He did his previous trick of flattening the towel down so we could see his semi-erect peen. Then he sat down to the other side of me and gathered up his towel to barely cover his crotch.

Now, by this stage I was thinking: "I hope Frog Guy gets the hint and disappears!" but, oh no, Frog Guy was stuck to the granite bench like a limpet and it looked like there was no way he was going to give us some privacy. Oh, some people just don't have a clue! So, just as I'm cursing Frog Guy under my breath, I suddenly realise that Hot Dark Haired Guy isn't making cow's eyes at me at all. Oh no, he's now rubbing his crotch and looking intently at Frog Guy!

The thing is, I'm not exactly chopped liver. In fact, I'm a bit of a catch when seen under appropriately soft lighting, but despite all this, Hot Dark Haired Guy clearly preferred old Frog Guy over me. Maybe he'd read the tale of the Frog Prince and wanted to test it out? Well, I didn't need telling twice, I know when I'm not wanted! So I left and sat in the hot tub, feeling sorry for myself in the bubbles, leaving the two love birds to get on with whatever was taking their fancy. You see, at least I'm a gentleman.

A new housemate enters the house!

Oh dear, Big Brother has gone and done exactly what I hate and put a new housemate in the house, Stuart. Why don't they ever learn? It's a golden rule that the existing housemates will always loathe the new person and put them up for eviction as soon as possible. Ah well, at least he won't be around long enough to get on my nerves too much.

Just one thing though, Stuart reckons he looks like Jude Law. Oh please, Kenny Everett maybe, but Jude Law? Phht! Plus, can someone explain to me what exactly is going on with his eyebrows? I hate plucked eyebrows, but if you're gonna pluck 'em, at least pluck 'em into some kind of shape!

Anyway, according to his bio, Stuart is twenty six (going on thirty six!) describes himself as: loud, funny and a wind-up merchant who doesn't take himself too seriously. He thinks his attitude might annoy others because he'll struggle being told what to do, and he also sniffs all the time, which gets up people's noses.

Great, a wind-up merchant, just what we need. Then again, all is not lost as he's a sniffer. Ooh, that's interesting. I have to confess that I'm also a sniffer and it drives everyone insane. I can't help it, it's a medical condition to which I can't remember the name right now. My mom has the same thing but it's in her throat instead and it makes her cough but anyway, it stems from having allergies which makes you produce mucus or something equally sexy. Oh, just go and google it.

Heather Mills manages to fleece £24.3m from Paul McCartney in divorce settlement

I've just been watching the evening news on the BBC and the second headline story was about bloody Heather "Mucca" Mills and her divorce settlement. She got £24.3m which is a nice little earner for anyone after just four years of marriage, no matter how wealthy her partner is. I don't begrudge her getting some money, after all, Paul McCartney is well minted and can easily afford this divorce settlement, but what did incense me and made me spit out some of my dinner was Mucca's remarks to the gathered press outside the court:

"Beatrice only gets £35,000 a year - so obviously she's meant to travel B class while her father travels A class, but obviously I will pay for that."

Let me just repeat that: "Beatrice only gets £35,000 a year." ONLY? Fuck that, a lot of people would be very happy if they only had £35,000 to live on a year. Hell, I don't even earn that much. I've never been keen on these money grubbers who try to financially bleed their partners and that remark pretty much shows her priorities and just how out of touch she is. Only indeed!

Apparently, Mucca had been grasping for £125m and been offered £15.8m by Paul. Ok, so we all know that Paul's become a right tight bastard with his money so his offer isn't surprising, but Mucca was looking for £125 million after just four years of marriage?